Why do I choose such a painful path?

Being addicted to an idea can be heaven or hell, depending on a number of things … and when it is hell, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re addicted to a bad idea, it may actually be a brilliant idea, but you’re ahead of your time, and the rest of the world is behind the times … so you get no support, and you’re all on your own.

This is basically the situation I find myself in.

The vision of Open Empire is beautiful … it’s like taking everything the concept of empire presently is, and totally turning it upside down & inside out … the beast effectively becomes a butterfly, where the beast was merely the cocoon which was required to show us why it was so important to change.

At present, we are destroying this planet at a phenomenal pace, and most people do not seem to grasp how serious the situation is … we live on a finite planet of finite resources where life and QUALITY of life, for complex multicellular organisms like ourselves, depends on such things as biodiversity, diverse & robust ecosystems, and the complex network of symbiotic relationships between species … yet we’re destroying all this, oblivious to the momentum we are creating, and the extreme difficulty of the task of turning it all around.

I’m sure if you’d asked me back at the start, when I was finishing high school: “if you knew how these questions you’re asking would make you suffer in the future, would you still ask them?” … and if I didn’t know what I would gain along the journey, the suffering alone would make me say no … but, in some senses fortunately, I was very naive, and by the time I had any idea what I was up against, it was too late, I was hooked on finding the answers.

The reason I do all this is on behalf of every beautiful person I’ve met, every beautiful species I’ve seen, and every beautiful place I’ve been … but also especially for those I haven’t seen yet, and those I will never see.

I cannot begin to describe to you my loneliness, my depression, my pain … not without you being right here in front of me, and me being willing to tell you things I’d rather not mention, think about, or feel … you’d get to see a very vulnerable side of me, and perhaps given my physical stature at 6’4″, you’d be surprised to see such an apparently strong man cry with such immense grief.

I don’t particularly care about personal pride at this stage, I feel empty, exhausted, abused & alone … so showing you that & being vulnerable & humiliated isn’t the worst of it … the worst is being reminded, because I manage to somehow push it aside most days so that I can at least function.

What is very important to me is getting your support.

With your support not only do I have a chance of feeling better both physically & psychologically, but I have a chance of bringing this project to life, which in turn helps everyone & everything.

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